I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written. I know, I say that far to often. I really do need to write more. Life has a funny way of getting in the way of my life. Wait, what? Just when I think I have it figured out or at least have a plan in place, things change.
About the time I dropped off the face of the earth from you all was when I had to decide what the next step is in my life. Do I move to land, find a real job, make real friends, and try to build a real life? Or do I stay at sea, live in the world of temporary, enjoy my work, and see amazing places? But what if those weren’t the right questions to ask? Maybe I need to accept the fact that this my “real life” and stop waiting for it to begin.
It’s easy to fall into that trap. “I’m almost out of high school, then real life starts.” “I have my college degree. Here I come real life.” “Real life is when I get married.” “It’s not real life until you have a house. A baby. Disposable income. You retire.” And before you know it it’s time to die and you never had a real life. Yearning for “real life” is just discontentment in disguise.
Through my recent turmoil of decision making (Turmoil might seem like a strong word, but not to me. My life was turned upside down by the last 2 months.) I’ve decided that I want to be content…but never complacent. And I think that’s what scares me the most about my decision. I’ve decided to take a couple months off, but return for yet another contract on a ship. Ship life is easy. A little too easy for my liking and I have a great fear that if I am here long enough I will lose all ambition and become complacent. I will do my work, collect my envelope of cash, go to the beach, watch every season of every television show I fancy (Mad Men and Grey’s Anatomy were my choices this contract. Compared to The Closer, Glee, Lie to Me, and Modern Family last year.). Will I reach a point that this is all I want from life? Easy money and an endless supply of television. Don’t get me wrong, this sounds like the epitome of bliss for me. But I know that there has to be more. And I don’t want to lose that.
However, this dissatisfaction has a tendency to manifest itself in discontentment. I have everything I need. I actually have more than I ever dreamed I could have. I am content. But I don’t want to be here forever. I never want to be complacent. My good friend Paco once said that one of the great dangers ambitious people face is that we get close to achieving our dreams, realize how far we’ve come, and suddenly decide that we have achieved enough. I told Paco last year that I see that happening in my life. I’ve come a long way. Five years ago I graduated from a tiny college 45 minutes from my house and felt like I would never leave that area. Two years after that I had been in over 40 states and I was directing video and performing in front of thousands of people. In the past three years I’ve been in 30 countries, directed live shows daily, appeared on stage and television multiple times, and I manage to earn a decent living in entertainment. Life is pretty great for me. I don’t tell you this to say “Hey, look how awesome I am.” Because, truth is, this isn’t my dream. Yes it’s great, but I have a lot more left to do. It’s very easy for me to say “Wow! How did I get here? This is amazing. I have arrived.” It is amazing. I am so blessed. So thankful for the awesome opportunities that God has given me. But this isn’t the end. I haven’t arrived. I’m still on a journey and I’m not going to stop until I get where I’m going.
Join me won’t you? Where are you going? Where did you start? I bet if you look back at your life you too are impressed with how far you’ve come. But what was your goal? What is your dream? Have you stopped chasing it? Be content with where you are, but never be complacent. I firmly believe that complacency is one of the most dangerous things you will ever face. I’ve been lost, alone, in foreign countries and nothing scares me more than being complacent. You weren’t made for complacency. Don’t stop working. Be incredible.
It’s great to be back with you, blogosphere. I apologize for my absence. In other news, I have so many places to tell you about. Look for posts on- a strange horse race in Siena, the cliffs of Sorrento, the round castle and almost missing the ship in Palma, the ruins of Herculaneum, and anything else I get up to in my last two weeks. If I don’t get a chance to write before I get home, I have eight weeks of downtime to tell you my tales.
4 thoughts on “Where I’ve been….”
oh wow. that was a tease! More and more!
Great post Val! I'm glad that I clicked over from facebook to read it. And, as you enjoy this cruise season of your real life, might I suggest Chuck for your television enjoyment (if you haven't already watched that series.) 🙂
I've heard great things about Chuck. I think I might even have a few seasons lying around somewhere- but I've never seen an episode. Well, starting in December I've got 6 more months at sea to watch it! Thanks for the suggestion and thanks for reading!
great post. glad i got to read it.