The sights. The sounds. The cultures. The foods. The beaches. The experiences. The glitz. The glam. Of a professional traveler.
I feel like that is how most people see my life. I know that I have it good. I could have a much worse job and a much worse life. I consider myself very blessed to do what I love while seeing and experience all that I have. However, I think some may have a skewed perspective of what my day to day life is actually like. You may see my pictures or read my stories and think that I am always taking it easy on a gorgeous beach somewhere. Okay, that part may be true. In my defense though, there are a lot of “comforts of home” that are not as easy to come by around here.
Take laundry, for example. Historically, I have never had a strong opinion on laundry. It was one of my chores as a kid so I grew up with lots of laundry know-how. I liked it less in college when I had to haul my overstuffed laundry bag to the other end of the dormitory just to find that all of the washers were taken. I had mixed feelings about it while on the road. Sometimes a host family would do my laundry for me (Awesome!). Sometimes I would find myself in a laundromat in Texas with my clothes and the clothes of other team members that they somehow talked me into doing for them (less awesome). The ship experience is kind of a mix between college and the road. I can have my uniforms washed for free, but I have to pick up and drop them off at a certain time and I am struggling to adhere to that schedule. But I love that little perk. The rest of it is not so glamorous though. There seem to be about 7 or 8 washers and dryers for the entire 800 member crew. I’ve learned to go to the laundry room and look for an open machine before hauling my laundry bag across the ship and down 3 decks. However, even if you find an empty machine, it is not a guarantee that it is a working machine. There’s nothing like loading all your clothes, adding your soap, pressing START, and nothing. I’ve also learned to take a book and sit in the laundry room and wait. If you don’t you may come back to find your clean clothes on the dirty floor. Another guessing game is choosing the best dryer. One will dry your clothes in 45 minutes, one in 90 minutes, and one in 3 days. The experience has been good because I now know that an in-home washer and dryer is a must for me!
Similar to laundry is the process of getting clean linens. Again, it’s kind of a synthesis of college and road life. Clean linens are provided to me free of charge- just like being on the road. I must make my own bed- just like college. So far, this system probably doesn’t sound too bad to most of you. The twist is the Linen Keeper. Yep, that’s an actual job here onboard and one that is taken VERY seriously might I add. The Linen Keeper stockpiles all of the freshly cleaned linen from the laundry guys. He’s kind of like the Wizard of Oz…a very difficult guy to meet. He will only open his storehouse of sheets to the crew for 1 hour in the morning, 1 hour in the afternoon, and 1 hour in the evening. I’m not sure why there is a limited window of opportunity or why I am not allowed to touch the merchandise. I must first tell him what I need and then he will get it for me, I cannot take it off the shelf myself. And yes, I have been reprimanded for doing so. Is there a big comforter cartel that will wreak havoc on the linens this guy has faithfully kept if we could help ourselves? I always wondered what the Linen Keeper was keeping the linens from, but I’m pretty sure the answer is me.
Before you ask the Sultan of the Sheets for new ones you must first bring your old ones to his lair and present them. He will then replace them with new ones. At least that is how the system is designed to work. However, last week I walked in with my towel and was instructed into which bin I should place it. I walked over, threw in the towel (pun intended), turned around, and the same laundry guys (Linen Keeper Apprentices) that just told me where to put my old towel said “We don’t have any crew towels.” Kindly lead with that info next time gents. Thankfully I travel with beach towels due to all the time spent relaxing on beautiful beaches, so one of those pinch hit for his missing crew towel buddy.
The Prince of Pillowcases is also responsible for dispensing needed paper products such as tissues and toilet paper. I haven’t even asked for tissues yet- it’s just easier to use my sleeve then go through that process. But I made the mistake of asking for toilet paper the other day. Now, again, you can only ask for toilet paper during those three open hours. So plan ahead. Since I was in the lair finally replacing my long lost crew towel I thought I would just pick up some TP and save myself the emergency trip in the future. When I asked for it the Titan of Towels said, “Sign the sheet.” and pointed to the wall. I had no idea what he was pointing at, but I walked in the general direction and found a toilet paper signout sheet. I had to but my name, cabin number, ID#, emergency contact info, height, weight, eye color, hair color, mother’s maiden name, father’s middle name, name of childhood best friend, latitude and longitude of my home address, SSN, and estimated monthly toilet paper usage. Okay, maybe not all that, but I did have to sign and date a paper before he would give me the TP. Is this like the library? Do I have to bring it back in 2 weeks? If I try to get more tomorrow will they cross check it with the sheet and not allow it?
Now I know these are all trivial inconveniences, but the next time you think of me sitting of a beautiful beach think about the convenience of the washer and dryer in your basement. Or of the closet full of sheets that you can keep yourself. Or how Walmart won’t make you sign for the toilet paper you buy.
If you will excuse me, I need to go see if I can get a vacuum to clean my cabin. This is probably going to require a background check.
In all seriousness, I know that I have it good. These inconveniences are a small price to pay for the amazing life I get to live.
